Keeping Your Voice Active
Mike Wever
There is a concept in writing which many new writers are not aware of called active or passive voice. Understanding this concept will help you make your writing more interesting to read and match the style of your story to the tone of your story as a whole.
Your voice is your style of writing. Every writer has (or should have) his or her own unique voice. Your voice is made up of all kinds of factors like the length of your sentences and paragraphs, the amount of dialog you present, and the number of adjectives you sprinkle into your writing. One of the most important aspects of your voice—and one of the easiest to change—is whether it is active or passive.
An active voice uses sentences where the subject of the sentence is taking a direct action. For example:
A penny lay on the ground at his feet, shining with all the luck in the world.
In a passive voice, the subject of the sentence exists without taking any action. Like this:
There was a penny on the ground at his feet, and it was shiny with all the luck in the world.
These two sentences describe exactly the same object with exactly the same properties, but the first sentence feels more vivid and exciting because it shows action. The penny lays on the ground, as if by its own choice, and produces its own shine. The second sentence feels less exciting because the penny does not take any action. It just exists there on ground. Which one of those two pennies would you be more likely to pick up?
On the sentence-by-sentence level, it is almost universally agreed that active voice is preferable. Readers enjoy stories where things happen and grow bored when things are just there.
An active voice can also take on a larger meaning in relation to a whole story. A story written in an active voice describes characters who take action and solve (or cause) the problems around them. A passive voice, on the other hand, utilizes characters who are victims of circumstance. In a passive-voice story, characters are never really responsible for the problems that surround them, nor can they truly take credit for any problem that may get fixed during the story.
Here is an example of a passage written in active voice:
Johny stared down at the penny, remembering the old woman's story. His father's voice bellowed in his head, telling him to stop being stupid and get himself to work, but Johny knew now that he didn't have to listen. Just because there were no lucky pennies in his father's world, didn't mean they couldn't exist in his. With the old man's voice already starting to fade, Johny knelt down and picked up the coin. He straightened up and couldn't help a quick, self-conscious glance around, but no one was watching him. No one accused him of wasting precious seconds. He was still on time to catch his train. And even if he was late, maybe the penny would make his train run a little slow.
Now here is the same scene, written more passively:
The penny caught Johny's eye and the memory of the old woman's story washed over him. He heard his father's voice bellowing in his head, telling him to stop being stupid and get himself to work, but the thought rose up that Johny didn't have to listen. Just because there were no lucky pennies in his father's world, didn't mean they couldn't exist in his. The old man's voice started to fade, and Johny found himself kneeling down and picking up the coin. As he straightened up, he couldn't help a quick, self-conscious glance around, but no one was watching him. No one accused him of wasting precious seconds. He was still on time to catch his train. And even if he was late, maybe the penny would make his train run a little slow.
Notice that in the second passage, Johny doesn't find the penny—it finds him. He doesn't think back to the old woman—that memory imposes itself on him. Similarly, the idea of defying his father's voice seems to come from somewhere outside rather than originating in Johny's head. The same events happen in both passages, but those events are instigated by Johny in the first example while they all happen to Johny in the second.
Knowing the difference between active and passive voice will help you pick the one that matches the story you want to tell. While it is almost always better to write individual sentences in an active voice, the voice of your overall manuscript depends on the story you are trying to tell. Think about who has the power in your story—the main character or the world around him—and make sure that your writing reflects it.
© Copyright 2009 Mike Wever
